I crawled into bed and gave her a kiss goodnight. I thought she was sleeping, but she was awake. “I need to tell you something before you go to sleep.” “What is it? Are you feeling ok? Do you need anything?” “No, listen. I think this is it. I don’t think I’ll wake up in […]

Josh and I used to do a lot of all-night hikes in the desert. At around 4:30 in the morning, one of us would always say “it is always darkest/coldest right before the dawn.” It was both a factual observation and a bit of a joke for us. But the truth of the matter is […]

I ran the Jerusalem Marathon a few days ago. I put everything I had into that race and finished with a time I was proud of. It was my strongest effort ever. But now the race is over. I close my eyes and think about an extremely long, sometimes exhilarating, but more often painful, journey. I […]

I don’t write much about Stella any more. That it no way reflects how I feel. I love her just as much today as I did when she was alive. And I will for the rest of my life. It’s just back then, writing was good therapy. I was able to share my terror, my […]

I re-wrote some of my last post. Took out the cursing and the finger pointing. You see, I was in a bad mood when I wrote it. I was in more than a bad mood, I was crashing. Just watching the video of Stella singing and laughing with friends was literally crushing. And you want […]

Some people might say that I shouldn’t keep looking at Stella’s pictures. It will just make it harder to move on. And others might say that maybe I shouldn’t keep blogging about Stella. That maybe the blog simply becomes an online shrine and I the caretaker. Perhaps I shouldn’t dwell on reminders of her absence […]

I don’t do slow. It’s not a brag. I will say up front, that there’s busloads of guys (written as gender inclusive cause “gals” has always sounded corny to me) who can kick my butt in a run. So when I saw I don’t do slow, I’m not making out to be the Jewish Usain […]

There are not many things that Stella disliked. In fact, the only two that I can think of is that she was uncomfortable with attention directed at her (a trait that I admittedly lack,) and she hated when people were sad. So the funeral would have upset her since so many sad people came together […]

Unlike the last blog post, the following actually happened the way I am writing it. A few years ago, Lawrence and I were zipping down the Bat Ayin trail on our bikes. It’s a very steep, fast, and technical trail. I am much better at endurance and climbing than finesse. He was, as usual, way […]

You’re riding through the desert and on top of the world. Everything is going perfect. You feel at one with the bike. The air is crisp and cool and you revel in the understanding that you are having an experience that very few will ever understand. You hammer away at the pedals, up and down […]